Thursday, August 23, 2007
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Interview with Howard Shapiro, a Children book author: Top Five Tips on Raising Kids
Interview with Howard Shapiro, a Children book author: Top Five Tips on Raising Kids
by: Py Kim Conant
Interview with Howard October 24 2006
Q: What are you working on now?
At the moment I am marketing my Hanukkah book for the 2nd year and trying to get my anti-bullying book into schools, foundations etc.
After the first of the year, I am planning to start work on my third book "Hockey Day's" which I hope to have out in October, 2007.
Q: Tell us about your two books?
My first book was published in October, 2005. It is called "Hanukkah Counts Too!" and the premise is that there are a brother (Tom) and a sister (Tupelo) who are each eight years old and they live in a predominately non-Jewish area and they are bombarded by Christmas images, shows, movies etc. And Tupelo, questions why they have to be different and why Santa can't bring her a tree or presents. She runs upstairs on the first night of Hanukkah but has a heart-to-heart talk with her older cousin and after the talk she comes to realize that Hanukkah is an important holiday and that it matters (and counts) too.
My new book which was released on September 12th, is called "Destructo Boy & Spillerella...We Are Who We Are!" and it is an anti-bullying story. It again involves Tom and Tupelo, who are being bullied by a big fourth grader. First the bully starts picking on Tom and then Tupelo and Tom has a chat with his Dad who reminds him that he has strength and courage that he doesn't even know he has. When the bully starts picking on Tupelo, and Tom sees the hurt in her eyes and face, he puts his foot down and tells the bully that his words and actions don't matter and will not hurt he or Tupelo any more.
Q: Top five tips for raising kids:
1. Parents have to work as a team: I believe that this is the absolute number one tip for raising kids. The Parents must be in sync with each other and cover each other on household tasks. Especially when the child or children are one to three years old. The household tasks like doing the laundry, the dishes, emptying the trash, balancing the checkbook and paying the bills can be overwhelming so those tasks must be divided up and the parents have to WORK at being good teammates.
2. Make time for yourself. Whether it's going to a movie by yourself or just walking around the mall or going to a athletic event, couples need to do some stuff to get them out of the house for a short amount of time.
3. Schedule at least one date night a month. While it helps to recharge one's batteries doing something solo, couple's should make time once a month to get out and see a movie or have dinner or simply get out of the house and be together at least once a month.
4. Be cost and money concious. Everyone wants to make their kids happy but the $50 or $75 that is spent on a holiday gift or outfit that will be thrown in the closet never to see the light of day could be better used by being put in the bank or towards a college education fund. When I say money concious I mean that the husband and wife should put off luxury purchases and similar purchases like new furniture, drapes a better car etc. in lieu of saving money for the childs education.
5. Keep things "even" between the husband and wife's families. What I mean is that if you have to make two Thanksgiving stops, do it. If the wife's mother is watching the kids one night, ask the husband's mother to watch them the next time. Keeping both families on an even keel will do wonders for the husband and wife in their relationship and won't cause any friction with their families. If one side is being too agressive or bossy, it is the husband or wife's obligation to tell them to back off, it's for the greater good of THEIR marriage/relationship and in the children's interst to keep things as even as possible between the families.
Q: Where can we find out about your books and website?
I have a website, http://www.howardshapiro.net and my books are both available on Amazon.com. Also, copies can be ordered directly from me and I will autograph each copy. Both books cost $8.95. For more information, please send an email to howard.shapiro@hotmail.com or go to http://www.howardshapiro.net
Q: Something people must know about you.
Just that I work really hard at the whole "business" or writing and marketing my books and that I love feedback from people who have read them. As Louis Ferdinand Celine said "when you write, you should put your skin on the table" and I truly believe this and want my books to make a difference to someone or help them in some way, even if it's just for a moment. That, and I also believe that we are all capable of greatness in all that we do and we should strive for that.
by: Py Kim Conant
Interview with Howard October 24 2006
Q: What are you working on now?
At the moment I am marketing my Hanukkah book for the 2nd year and trying to get my anti-bullying book into schools, foundations etc.
After the first of the year, I am planning to start work on my third book "Hockey Day's" which I hope to have out in October, 2007.
Q: Tell us about your two books?
My first book was published in October, 2005. It is called "Hanukkah Counts Too!" and the premise is that there are a brother (Tom) and a sister (Tupelo) who are each eight years old and they live in a predominately non-Jewish area and they are bombarded by Christmas images, shows, movies etc. And Tupelo, questions why they have to be different and why Santa can't bring her a tree or presents. She runs upstairs on the first night of Hanukkah but has a heart-to-heart talk with her older cousin and after the talk she comes to realize that Hanukkah is an important holiday and that it matters (and counts) too.
My new book which was released on September 12th, is called "Destructo Boy & Spillerella...We Are Who We Are!" and it is an anti-bullying story. It again involves Tom and Tupelo, who are being bullied by a big fourth grader. First the bully starts picking on Tom and then Tupelo and Tom has a chat with his Dad who reminds him that he has strength and courage that he doesn't even know he has. When the bully starts picking on Tupelo, and Tom sees the hurt in her eyes and face, he puts his foot down and tells the bully that his words and actions don't matter and will not hurt he or Tupelo any more.
Q: Top five tips for raising kids:
1. Parents have to work as a team: I believe that this is the absolute number one tip for raising kids. The Parents must be in sync with each other and cover each other on household tasks. Especially when the child or children are one to three years old. The household tasks like doing the laundry, the dishes, emptying the trash, balancing the checkbook and paying the bills can be overwhelming so those tasks must be divided up and the parents have to WORK at being good teammates.
2. Make time for yourself. Whether it's going to a movie by yourself or just walking around the mall or going to a athletic event, couples need to do some stuff to get them out of the house for a short amount of time.
3. Schedule at least one date night a month. While it helps to recharge one's batteries doing something solo, couple's should make time once a month to get out and see a movie or have dinner or simply get out of the house and be together at least once a month.
4. Be cost and money concious. Everyone wants to make their kids happy but the $50 or $75 that is spent on a holiday gift or outfit that will be thrown in the closet never to see the light of day could be better used by being put in the bank or towards a college education fund. When I say money concious I mean that the husband and wife should put off luxury purchases and similar purchases like new furniture, drapes a better car etc. in lieu of saving money for the childs education.
5. Keep things "even" between the husband and wife's families. What I mean is that if you have to make two Thanksgiving stops, do it. If the wife's mother is watching the kids one night, ask the husband's mother to watch them the next time. Keeping both families on an even keel will do wonders for the husband and wife in their relationship and won't cause any friction with their families. If one side is being too agressive or bossy, it is the husband or wife's obligation to tell them to back off, it's for the greater good of THEIR marriage/relationship and in the children's interst to keep things as even as possible between the families.
Q: Where can we find out about your books and website?
I have a website, http://www.howardshapiro.net and my books are both available on Amazon.com. Also, copies can be ordered directly from me and I will autograph each copy. Both books cost $8.95. For more information, please send an email to howard.shapiro@hotmail.com or go to http://www.howardshapiro.net
Q: Something people must know about you.
Just that I work really hard at the whole "business" or writing and marketing my books and that I love feedback from people who have read them. As Louis Ferdinand Celine said "when you write, you should put your skin on the table" and I truly believe this and want my books to make a difference to someone or help them in some way, even if it's just for a moment. That, and I also believe that we are all capable of greatness in all that we do and we should strive for that.
Bringing Your Fiancé to America
Bringing Your Fiancé to America
by: John Kunkle
There are essentially two legal ways to bring the woman of your dreams to America:
· As a fiancé (before you are married)
· As a wife (after you are married)
Of the two, bringing her to America under a fiancé visa is the fastest and easiest process and is the best method for you to follow. We will discuss this method first.
The number one rule in the application process is that you should not attempt to fool or mislead the INS, now called the CIS under the Department of Homeland Security, or US embassy in any way.
Even though it is now officially the CIS -- Citizenship and Immigration Services under the Department of Homeland Security, everybody but the government stills refers to it as the INS. We will continue to refer to the agency as the INS throughout our discussion below. However, you are now familiar with the fact that it has been renamed.
They are still using all the same numbers for the forms and all the same paperwork, with very few exceptions.
There Are No Shortcuts:
If you are already married, or you are planning to get married in her country before you bring her to America, don’t try to slip this past them. Chances are, it won’t work.
The consequences of getting caught are not worth the chance. Your application will probably be denied, without possibility of re-application. Your fiancé will probably be blacklisted, which means that she will never be able to come to the US. You may be blacklisted by the INS and / or subject to criminal prosecution and fines.
Do not show up at the local US embassy in Russia with your fiancé and try to get a tourist visa or student visa for her. Not only will they not give her a visa, they may mark her passport that will not allow her to apply for a visa for at least a year.
They may also permanently blacklist her from immigrating to America. The reason for this is that she is applying for a temporary tourist or student visa while her intent is to immigrate to America permanently. The INS and US embassy personnel consider this a misrepresentation at best and fraudulent at worst.
These shortcuts are not worth taking because of your ignorance or impatience with the legal process. The possibility of having to wait a few more months for you to get married or for your fiancé to come to America is not worth the consequences of getting caught stepping outside the law.
Follow The Rules:
Learn the rules and follow them. Or you can hire someone to help you with the process.
US embassy personnel are aware that many people come to America on temporary visas and then disappear once they are in America.
If you are going to bring your fiancé to America, you have to apply for a permanent visa, which is either a fiancé visa or a spousal visa.
If you follow the law, there is almost no doubt that your fiancé will be allowed to come to America, provided that you both meet the standards established by the INS and the US embassy. It may take a little longer than you would like, but she will be able to come here and stay here legally, which is the ultimate goal.
by: John Kunkle
There are essentially two legal ways to bring the woman of your dreams to America:
· As a fiancé (before you are married)
· As a wife (after you are married)
Of the two, bringing her to America under a fiancé visa is the fastest and easiest process and is the best method for you to follow. We will discuss this method first.
The number one rule in the application process is that you should not attempt to fool or mislead the INS, now called the CIS under the Department of Homeland Security, or US embassy in any way.
Even though it is now officially the CIS -- Citizenship and Immigration Services under the Department of Homeland Security, everybody but the government stills refers to it as the INS. We will continue to refer to the agency as the INS throughout our discussion below. However, you are now familiar with the fact that it has been renamed.
They are still using all the same numbers for the forms and all the same paperwork, with very few exceptions.
There Are No Shortcuts:
If you are already married, or you are planning to get married in her country before you bring her to America, don’t try to slip this past them. Chances are, it won’t work.
The consequences of getting caught are not worth the chance. Your application will probably be denied, without possibility of re-application. Your fiancé will probably be blacklisted, which means that she will never be able to come to the US. You may be blacklisted by the INS and / or subject to criminal prosecution and fines.
Do not show up at the local US embassy in Russia with your fiancé and try to get a tourist visa or student visa for her. Not only will they not give her a visa, they may mark her passport that will not allow her to apply for a visa for at least a year.
They may also permanently blacklist her from immigrating to America. The reason for this is that she is applying for a temporary tourist or student visa while her intent is to immigrate to America permanently. The INS and US embassy personnel consider this a misrepresentation at best and fraudulent at worst.
These shortcuts are not worth taking because of your ignorance or impatience with the legal process. The possibility of having to wait a few more months for you to get married or for your fiancé to come to America is not worth the consequences of getting caught stepping outside the law.
Follow The Rules:
Learn the rules and follow them. Or you can hire someone to help you with the process.
US embassy personnel are aware that many people come to America on temporary visas and then disappear once they are in America.
If you are going to bring your fiancé to America, you have to apply for a permanent visa, which is either a fiancé visa or a spousal visa.
If you follow the law, there is almost no doubt that your fiancé will be allowed to come to America, provided that you both meet the standards established by the INS and the US embassy. It may take a little longer than you would like, but she will be able to come here and stay here legally, which is the ultimate goal.
Radical Personal Responsibility:
Radical Personal Responsibility:
by: Paul and Layne Cutright
When you assume radical personal responsibility, you live in a truth that proclaims:
I am responsible for how I allow others to affect me.
In a world of forces beyond my control, I can learn to be the keeper of my own heart and mind.
Even when things appear not to be going my way, and I am upon an emotional sea of crossing and diverging currents, I can still navigate my way to my ultimate good fortune.
I proclaim that I am not a victim of the world I see. I am a co-creator of it. Let love and wisdom be my moral compass, and let clarity be the wind in my sails.
New peace, harmony, and power fill your relationships when you practice radical personal responsibility. Through it, you enter a more refined sphere of relating that enhances your life and accelerates the realization of your ultimate spiritual self. Practicing radical personal responsibility forever changes the way you approach and resolve conflict.
Jealousy and other emotions like it can appear to be happening to us or to be inflicted on us by others. But to address the root cause of any upset, you must learn to observe the internal factors that shape your own perceptions and reactions. We call this ability to observe yourself and realize your power to alter these perceptions and reactions Radical Personal Responsibility.
We call it radical because it is such a departure from what is commonly thought of as responsibility, which can mean laying blame. Instead, it is insight into the deeper workings of your mind that illuminates how you have contributed to any challenging situation before you.
When you take personal responsibility, what are you taking responsibility for? You are taking responsibility for your own consciousness and the effects that it creates. The thoughts, beliefs, feelings, attitudes, impressions, perceptions, and interpretations—all of which you hold in your consciousness—can be a matter of choice.
If you are like most people, you are unaware of all the moments of choosing that go into your beliefs and your interpretations. You probably haven't noticed you are making choices all the time, choices that determine the possibilities that will be open or closed to you in your future.
If it feels as if your beliefs just show up fully developed and you have nothing to do with how they came to be a part of you, it is because you have not developed the ability to observe your own mind. The CURE (Conscious Upset Resolution Exercise) will help you.
Most of your beliefs were probably “absorbed” from your family when you were younger. The rest of them were absorbed from the community you grew up in and from the culture at large. The process of absorbing them was invisible to you, so you didn't notice you were doing it. It happened silently, in the background of your life. The process of absorbing your beliefs was invisible to you.
Regaining that awareness and accepting personal responsibility is an acquired skill. If it wasn't demonstrated for you when you were growing up, or you haven't intentionally studied it, chances are you haven't a clue about how to do it.
A start is to recognize what personal responsibility is not. In the absence of personal responsibility, all you can do is blame others for your difficulties because it looks to you as if they are to blame. This forever dooms you to a “victim” mentality that separates you from your personal power and spiritual and relational maturity. The CURE will teach you, step by step, to approach life’s hurdles in a different way that both enlightens and empowers you.
Once you learn to practice radical personal responsibility, you will find a source of inner strength and power that no one can ever take away from you. Because of your ability to take authentic, empowered responsibility, you will find that, in time, upsets become less frequent, of shorter duration, and less intense. This means you have more time and energy to focus on living the kind of life and sharing the kind of relationships you truly want and deserve.
© 2006 Paul and Layne Cutright – All rights reserved. You may publish this article in its entirety and with the authors’ resource information intact.
by: Paul and Layne Cutright
When you assume radical personal responsibility, you live in a truth that proclaims:
I am responsible for how I allow others to affect me.
In a world of forces beyond my control, I can learn to be the keeper of my own heart and mind.
Even when things appear not to be going my way, and I am upon an emotional sea of crossing and diverging currents, I can still navigate my way to my ultimate good fortune.
I proclaim that I am not a victim of the world I see. I am a co-creator of it. Let love and wisdom be my moral compass, and let clarity be the wind in my sails.
New peace, harmony, and power fill your relationships when you practice radical personal responsibility. Through it, you enter a more refined sphere of relating that enhances your life and accelerates the realization of your ultimate spiritual self. Practicing radical personal responsibility forever changes the way you approach and resolve conflict.
Jealousy and other emotions like it can appear to be happening to us or to be inflicted on us by others. But to address the root cause of any upset, you must learn to observe the internal factors that shape your own perceptions and reactions. We call this ability to observe yourself and realize your power to alter these perceptions and reactions Radical Personal Responsibility.
We call it radical because it is such a departure from what is commonly thought of as responsibility, which can mean laying blame. Instead, it is insight into the deeper workings of your mind that illuminates how you have contributed to any challenging situation before you.
When you take personal responsibility, what are you taking responsibility for? You are taking responsibility for your own consciousness and the effects that it creates. The thoughts, beliefs, feelings, attitudes, impressions, perceptions, and interpretations—all of which you hold in your consciousness—can be a matter of choice.
If you are like most people, you are unaware of all the moments of choosing that go into your beliefs and your interpretations. You probably haven't noticed you are making choices all the time, choices that determine the possibilities that will be open or closed to you in your future.
If it feels as if your beliefs just show up fully developed and you have nothing to do with how they came to be a part of you, it is because you have not developed the ability to observe your own mind. The CURE (Conscious Upset Resolution Exercise) will help you.
Most of your beliefs were probably “absorbed” from your family when you were younger. The rest of them were absorbed from the community you grew up in and from the culture at large. The process of absorbing them was invisible to you, so you didn't notice you were doing it. It happened silently, in the background of your life. The process of absorbing your beliefs was invisible to you.
Regaining that awareness and accepting personal responsibility is an acquired skill. If it wasn't demonstrated for you when you were growing up, or you haven't intentionally studied it, chances are you haven't a clue about how to do it.
A start is to recognize what personal responsibility is not. In the absence of personal responsibility, all you can do is blame others for your difficulties because it looks to you as if they are to blame. This forever dooms you to a “victim” mentality that separates you from your personal power and spiritual and relational maturity. The CURE will teach you, step by step, to approach life’s hurdles in a different way that both enlightens and empowers you.
Once you learn to practice radical personal responsibility, you will find a source of inner strength and power that no one can ever take away from you. Because of your ability to take authentic, empowered responsibility, you will find that, in time, upsets become less frequent, of shorter duration, and less intense. This means you have more time and energy to focus on living the kind of life and sharing the kind of relationships you truly want and deserve.
© 2006 Paul and Layne Cutright – All rights reserved. You may publish this article in its entirety and with the authors’ resource information intact.
The Growth of Hookup Websites: Will They Overtake 'Normal' Online Dating Services?
The Growth of Hookup Websites: Will They Overtake 'Normal' Online Dating Services?
by: Joe Davidson
Do online dating sites have a bad wrap for being hookup sites? Have online dating websites shed their stigma as a place for only the lonely, just to have traded it in for a hookup image? While it seems like there certainly are websites and services available for people to meet dates for hookups alone, there are also plenty of other types of relationships that can, and have been formed, through online dating services, from friendships, to email correspondence, hookups, casual dates, and even marriage.
The internet is renowned for being a place that has something for everyone. The online dating industry is no exception. Though there are endless options for people seeking other people for various reasons and different types of relationships, it seems to some that there is an overwhelming number of websites offering dates for hookups. This perception, while accurate in some senses, could also be due, in part, to the different marketing strategies approached by each, and the basic characteristics of companies and people who pursue these types of relationships.
To begin with, the marketing strategies for such websites are often quite aggressive. Though this may be a broad generalization, many websites that are designed to connect people for quick and easy sexual relationships are not as concerned with projecting a specific image, particularly in comparison with dating websites who try to distance themselves from this. Certainly, many online dating services give their members the option to seek any type of relationship they want, whether that be a casual date, hookup, or long term commitment. However, the majority of these sites don't promote themselves exclusively as hookup sites, and don't pursue marketing strategies that are as aggressive and anonymous. Most large online dating sites promote themselves as place for people to find love, and follow strict branding strategies. Hookup sites are often smaller companies, and are therefore less anonymous. This could help create the sense that there are many of these hookup services available, when really, this is because it is difficult to identify and differentiate the few that are out there.
The companies and people who are involved in these websites may also contribute to the sense that there are several hookup websites around these days. This may be partly because the companies are not large, recognizable brands. The influx of hookup sites may also be attributed to the fact that the people who participate in these websites are usually not long term members (this is also a broad generalization). In this sense, many members may come and go from the site, often just temporarily, to find a fast and casual hookup, and leave once they are satisfied. This may help create the impression that there are large numbers of people signing up, and increasing the number of members for these hookup sites. Nonetheless, there are several hookup sites available, whether they are sites dedicated to hooking up, or are 'normal' dating websites who offer their members the option to seek all sorts of different types of relationships.
by: Joe Davidson
Do online dating sites have a bad wrap for being hookup sites? Have online dating websites shed their stigma as a place for only the lonely, just to have traded it in for a hookup image? While it seems like there certainly are websites and services available for people to meet dates for hookups alone, there are also plenty of other types of relationships that can, and have been formed, through online dating services, from friendships, to email correspondence, hookups, casual dates, and even marriage.
The internet is renowned for being a place that has something for everyone. The online dating industry is no exception. Though there are endless options for people seeking other people for various reasons and different types of relationships, it seems to some that there is an overwhelming number of websites offering dates for hookups. This perception, while accurate in some senses, could also be due, in part, to the different marketing strategies approached by each, and the basic characteristics of companies and people who pursue these types of relationships.
To begin with, the marketing strategies for such websites are often quite aggressive. Though this may be a broad generalization, many websites that are designed to connect people for quick and easy sexual relationships are not as concerned with projecting a specific image, particularly in comparison with dating websites who try to distance themselves from this. Certainly, many online dating services give their members the option to seek any type of relationship they want, whether that be a casual date, hookup, or long term commitment. However, the majority of these sites don't promote themselves exclusively as hookup sites, and don't pursue marketing strategies that are as aggressive and anonymous. Most large online dating sites promote themselves as place for people to find love, and follow strict branding strategies. Hookup sites are often smaller companies, and are therefore less anonymous. This could help create the sense that there are many of these hookup services available, when really, this is because it is difficult to identify and differentiate the few that are out there.
The companies and people who are involved in these websites may also contribute to the sense that there are several hookup websites around these days. This may be partly because the companies are not large, recognizable brands. The influx of hookup sites may also be attributed to the fact that the people who participate in these websites are usually not long term members (this is also a broad generalization). In this sense, many members may come and go from the site, often just temporarily, to find a fast and casual hookup, and leave once they are satisfied. This may help create the impression that there are large numbers of people signing up, and increasing the number of members for these hookup sites. Nonetheless, there are several hookup sites available, whether they are sites dedicated to hooking up, or are 'normal' dating websites who offer their members the option to seek all sorts of different types of relationships.
The Confidence To Make You A Good Lover
The Confidence To Make You A Good Lover
by: John Alanis
Today I want to cover what I call "foundational stuff"... skills everyone knows you should have that are necessary, but are often overlooked in favor of "more advanced" skills. The truth is though, the "advanced skills" are worthless without a firm foundation, and if you're not getting the results you want, it's often because your foundation has eroded.
Everyone knows women "love a confident man", when it comes to good lovers. But, what specifically does "confidence" mean? Few people really know, even though they like to throw the word around. For instance, I appeared on a national radio program Saturday night, and one of the hosts kept saying, "oh you're just talking about being confident." Well, yes and no. See, there are several components to "confidence" and few people know what they really are. So, since I'm such a generous guy, I figured I'd tell you today!
Confidence to me, means a strong self image coupled with "preparedness." Both of these are important, because both can be created formulaically. "Confidence" by itself cannot be created, but once broken down into its components, the components can be created and strung together to create the emotional state known as confidence.
I can't teach you to be confident. But I can sure teach you how to build a strong self image, and how to be prepared.
One of the best books ever written on building the self image is Zero Resistance Living by Maxwell Maltz. In it, Maltz talks about designing, creating and building the self image you desire... as you build your self image, your life will begin to change in alignment with your new self image. Dr. Maltz is also the author Psychocybernetics, and I highly suggest you check out www.psycho-cybernetics.com if you want to discover how to quickly and easily create the self image to give you the outcomes you desire.
If you want to know where most guys fall down with women, it's the "preparedness" part. Why? Because it requires time, energy, and effort. It requires you to invest in your education, to take risks and spend money on information, like th information at http://www.byegoodlover.com. It requires you to use and implement this information, and to correct any implementation mistakes. Most guys are not willing to pay this price... much easier to spend their time talking and drinking beer with other guys who are talking and drinking beer.
Preparedness is hard... but when you're prepared you get results. I've seen confident guy after confident guy get shot down in flames by a beautiful woman who was initially attracted to him simply because he wasn't prepared to create a powerful feeling of attraction in her. He said or did something that flipped off the attraction triggers, and off she went with him never knowing why. It's not enough to have a strong self image... you have to be prepared as well. Only when you combine the two will you have true confidence.
by: John Alanis
Today I want to cover what I call "foundational stuff"... skills everyone knows you should have that are necessary, but are often overlooked in favor of "more advanced" skills. The truth is though, the "advanced skills" are worthless without a firm foundation, and if you're not getting the results you want, it's often because your foundation has eroded.
Everyone knows women "love a confident man", when it comes to good lovers. But, what specifically does "confidence" mean? Few people really know, even though they like to throw the word around. For instance, I appeared on a national radio program Saturday night, and one of the hosts kept saying, "oh you're just talking about being confident." Well, yes and no. See, there are several components to "confidence" and few people know what they really are. So, since I'm such a generous guy, I figured I'd tell you today!
Confidence to me, means a strong self image coupled with "preparedness." Both of these are important, because both can be created formulaically. "Confidence" by itself cannot be created, but once broken down into its components, the components can be created and strung together to create the emotional state known as confidence.
I can't teach you to be confident. But I can sure teach you how to build a strong self image, and how to be prepared.
One of the best books ever written on building the self image is Zero Resistance Living by Maxwell Maltz. In it, Maltz talks about designing, creating and building the self image you desire... as you build your self image, your life will begin to change in alignment with your new self image. Dr. Maltz is also the author Psychocybernetics, and I highly suggest you check out www.psycho-cybernetics.com if you want to discover how to quickly and easily create the self image to give you the outcomes you desire.
If you want to know where most guys fall down with women, it's the "preparedness" part. Why? Because it requires time, energy, and effort. It requires you to invest in your education, to take risks and spend money on information, like th information at http://www.byegoodlover.com. It requires you to use and implement this information, and to correct any implementation mistakes. Most guys are not willing to pay this price... much easier to spend their time talking and drinking beer with other guys who are talking and drinking beer.
Preparedness is hard... but when you're prepared you get results. I've seen confident guy after confident guy get shot down in flames by a beautiful woman who was initially attracted to him simply because he wasn't prepared to create a powerful feeling of attraction in her. He said or did something that flipped off the attraction triggers, and off she went with him never knowing why. It's not enough to have a strong self image... you have to be prepared as well. Only when you combine the two will you have true confidence.
Romantic Relationships, Relationship Problems
Romantic Relationships, Relationship Problems
by: Cher Sern Lim
Why It’s Worthwhile To Maintain Romantic Relationships And How To Keep The Relationship Problems Out.
If you’ve never been in a relationship before than it’s no surprise that you wouldn’t know what to do. But don’t panic, being in romantic relationships can be very rewarding and you might actually enjoy it compared to dating and one night stands. However like everything else being in a relationship has its problems.
The way to enjoy a relationship is to try to avoid as many of these problems as possible. And when you can’t you have to be willing to work things out in order to salvage your relationship instead of just deciding that things are not working out at the first sign of trouble.
Romantic relationships can work but you have to put effort into making it work. The first thing to remember is that when you are in a relationship, it involves two people. And the most important thing you need to do in a relationship is to compromise. Learn that you can’t always have your way, but you have to know when to put your foot down. Giving and taking is part of life and is crucial to keeping a relationship successful. As a man it is vital that you figure out when you need to give. Over giving is a turn off because women will start to view you as a pushover. So just like dating, remember to be nice but not too nice.
Women also love men who are thoughtful so making dinner arrangements, surprising her with dates and romantic gifts also help keep the relationship afloat. Again you can’t do this too often or she will come to expect it. Worse she will assume that you’ve done something wrong and you would have created problems for yourself when nothing was wrong with your relationship in the first place.
The next part of maintaining romantic relationships comes from communicating with your partner. You have to understand that women and men communicate differently. A lot of relationship problems actually occur because of simple misunderstandings when the couples are unable to communicate with one another. Take the time to understand your partner and how she is feeling (especially when she is emotional and needs time to calm down). I’m not saying that you need to take the emotional rubbish that women dish out but you have to try to understand where she is coming from and deal with it appropriately and not just slam the door on your way out.
Of course the biggest problem that relationships deal with are jealousy and betrayal. It would help greatly if neither your or your girlfriend are cheating types of course. As for jealousy if your girlfriend is the jealous type, either dump her if you can’t deal with that, or work out an arrangement with her. Get her to understand that woman A is just a close friend or colleague and nothing more. If you have jealousy issues you might want to meet up with her guy friend and who knows, you could be best of friends. But if that doesn’t work out, the best way to deal with it is to try to get over the jealousy issue because if you continue to harp at it your relationship will fail and that guy would have won.
Romantic relationships will come across problems. This is normal and the only way for you to ensure that you can maintain your relationship is to avoid as many of them as you can is to not give up on it. If you don’t think you can commit to a relationship then its better not to get into one at all because it will come with a whole bunch of problems that you might not have been ready to face.
by: Cher Sern Lim
Why It’s Worthwhile To Maintain Romantic Relationships And How To Keep The Relationship Problems Out.
If you’ve never been in a relationship before than it’s no surprise that you wouldn’t know what to do. But don’t panic, being in romantic relationships can be very rewarding and you might actually enjoy it compared to dating and one night stands. However like everything else being in a relationship has its problems.
The way to enjoy a relationship is to try to avoid as many of these problems as possible. And when you can’t you have to be willing to work things out in order to salvage your relationship instead of just deciding that things are not working out at the first sign of trouble.
Romantic relationships can work but you have to put effort into making it work. The first thing to remember is that when you are in a relationship, it involves two people. And the most important thing you need to do in a relationship is to compromise. Learn that you can’t always have your way, but you have to know when to put your foot down. Giving and taking is part of life and is crucial to keeping a relationship successful. As a man it is vital that you figure out when you need to give. Over giving is a turn off because women will start to view you as a pushover. So just like dating, remember to be nice but not too nice.
Women also love men who are thoughtful so making dinner arrangements, surprising her with dates and romantic gifts also help keep the relationship afloat. Again you can’t do this too often or she will come to expect it. Worse she will assume that you’ve done something wrong and you would have created problems for yourself when nothing was wrong with your relationship in the first place.
The next part of maintaining romantic relationships comes from communicating with your partner. You have to understand that women and men communicate differently. A lot of relationship problems actually occur because of simple misunderstandings when the couples are unable to communicate with one another. Take the time to understand your partner and how she is feeling (especially when she is emotional and needs time to calm down). I’m not saying that you need to take the emotional rubbish that women dish out but you have to try to understand where she is coming from and deal with it appropriately and not just slam the door on your way out.
Of course the biggest problem that relationships deal with are jealousy and betrayal. It would help greatly if neither your or your girlfriend are cheating types of course. As for jealousy if your girlfriend is the jealous type, either dump her if you can’t deal with that, or work out an arrangement with her. Get her to understand that woman A is just a close friend or colleague and nothing more. If you have jealousy issues you might want to meet up with her guy friend and who knows, you could be best of friends. But if that doesn’t work out, the best way to deal with it is to try to get over the jealousy issue because if you continue to harp at it your relationship will fail and that guy would have won.
Romantic relationships will come across problems. This is normal and the only way for you to ensure that you can maintain your relationship is to avoid as many of them as you can is to not give up on it. If you don’t think you can commit to a relationship then its better not to get into one at all because it will come with a whole bunch of problems that you might not have been ready to face.
Penetrating Neil Strauss: a Review
Penetrating Neil Strauss: a Review
by: Isaac Blume
Any time a secret society suddenly becomes un-secret - or is, more aptly, penetrated - there is always a mixed reaction to a world that is in equal parts intriguing and pathetic. The society of pick-up artists revealed by Neil Strauss' The Game is no different. It is a world in which AFCs (Average Frustrated Chumps) work for IOIs (Indicators Of Interest) while neutralizing AMOGs (the Alpha Male Of the Group). But buried among the acronyms and exploits of the pick-up community are some valuable insights.
These days, any best-selling novel needs to have three main qualities: 1) compelling characters, 2) a gripping plotline, and 3) the ability to be instantly transformed into a Hollywood film. The Game satisfies all three. What's more, because it's a work of non-fiction, it has that same grotesque allure of a reality TV show.
As for compelling characters, who could forget the obscene yet somehow endearing “field report” filed by Extramask, the fledgling pick-up artist, following his very first sexual experience? In it, he records his disillusionment in lurid detail, at one point realizing that he was “getting no feeling” and “just pumping away like a tool” (71).
As for a gripping plotline, the book details the experience of Strauss as he immerses himself in a full-time community of pick-up artists ultimately to find he has become not only one of them, but the best of them - reinvented as “Style.” It deftly begins with the Project Hollywood mansion, the collective headquarters of the L.A. pick-up artists, in shambles, its tenants either crying or hiding or picking up the pieces - forcing the reader to ask, “How did it all come to this?” And read on.
The ascent, descent, and ultimate realization of Style is also well-presented and well-paced. Indeed, after turning his back on the community and committing himself to his rock star girlfriend, our hero concludes with the realization that “[b]eing together has required a lot more time and work than learning to pick up women ever did, but it has brought me far more satisfaction and joy. Perhaps that's because it's not a game” (452).
(And as for film-fodder, one reviewer has already pegged Jack Black and Kate Hudson for the leading roles).
There are a few common criticisms of the book, but none that are all too convincing. For example, it has been said that it promotes a twisted subculture, one that will prey upon confused, adolescent males. This is kind of like how playing violent video games will turn us into serial killers, or how in the 1950s rock and roll music made everyone devil-worshippers. Sure, there will be a few to get so seduced by the idea of a full-blown seduction community that they'll sell their nice-guy souls. But let's give the rest of them a bit more credit.
In addition, it has been said (by some women readers) that the book “makes women the enemy.” It doesn't. It's far too intelligent and self-conscious of a work to victimize an entire gender - no less the one it is at great pains to understand. If anything, it is all too revealing of the fragile and desperate and pitiful male ego.
If you appreciate a deft literary hand that can mix the perfect cocktail of tragic and comic and let you knock back a damn good story, you will appreciate this book. And if you prefer “true stories,” you're also in luck.
But perhaps what makes it a truly accomplished work is the fact that while it will inevitably be adopted as a textbook for armies of under-sexed males, it still carries a certain wisdom with regard to social dynamics in general.
For example, upon realizing that women will tolerate his 'occupation' of pick-up artist and the community that supports him, but not for very long, Style finds that:
“All the techniques that are so effective in beginning a relationship violate every principle necessary to maintaining one” (242).
It's a compelling statement regarding close encounters of the male-female kind. When it comes to relationships, making them is a much different story to maintaining them, which might be an art form that is much more difficult to quantify and catalogue.
by: Isaac Blume
Any time a secret society suddenly becomes un-secret - or is, more aptly, penetrated - there is always a mixed reaction to a world that is in equal parts intriguing and pathetic. The society of pick-up artists revealed by Neil Strauss' The Game is no different. It is a world in which AFCs (Average Frustrated Chumps) work for IOIs (Indicators Of Interest) while neutralizing AMOGs (the Alpha Male Of the Group). But buried among the acronyms and exploits of the pick-up community are some valuable insights.
These days, any best-selling novel needs to have three main qualities: 1) compelling characters, 2) a gripping plotline, and 3) the ability to be instantly transformed into a Hollywood film. The Game satisfies all three. What's more, because it's a work of non-fiction, it has that same grotesque allure of a reality TV show.
As for compelling characters, who could forget the obscene yet somehow endearing “field report” filed by Extramask, the fledgling pick-up artist, following his very first sexual experience? In it, he records his disillusionment in lurid detail, at one point realizing that he was “getting no feeling” and “just pumping away like a tool” (71).
As for a gripping plotline, the book details the experience of Strauss as he immerses himself in a full-time community of pick-up artists ultimately to find he has become not only one of them, but the best of them - reinvented as “Style.” It deftly begins with the Project Hollywood mansion, the collective headquarters of the L.A. pick-up artists, in shambles, its tenants either crying or hiding or picking up the pieces - forcing the reader to ask, “How did it all come to this?” And read on.
The ascent, descent, and ultimate realization of Style is also well-presented and well-paced. Indeed, after turning his back on the community and committing himself to his rock star girlfriend, our hero concludes with the realization that “[b]eing together has required a lot more time and work than learning to pick up women ever did, but it has brought me far more satisfaction and joy. Perhaps that's because it's not a game” (452).
(And as for film-fodder, one reviewer has already pegged Jack Black and Kate Hudson for the leading roles).
There are a few common criticisms of the book, but none that are all too convincing. For example, it has been said that it promotes a twisted subculture, one that will prey upon confused, adolescent males. This is kind of like how playing violent video games will turn us into serial killers, or how in the 1950s rock and roll music made everyone devil-worshippers. Sure, there will be a few to get so seduced by the idea of a full-blown seduction community that they'll sell their nice-guy souls. But let's give the rest of them a bit more credit.
In addition, it has been said (by some women readers) that the book “makes women the enemy.” It doesn't. It's far too intelligent and self-conscious of a work to victimize an entire gender - no less the one it is at great pains to understand. If anything, it is all too revealing of the fragile and desperate and pitiful male ego.
If you appreciate a deft literary hand that can mix the perfect cocktail of tragic and comic and let you knock back a damn good story, you will appreciate this book. And if you prefer “true stories,” you're also in luck.
But perhaps what makes it a truly accomplished work is the fact that while it will inevitably be adopted as a textbook for armies of under-sexed males, it still carries a certain wisdom with regard to social dynamics in general.
For example, upon realizing that women will tolerate his 'occupation' of pick-up artist and the community that supports him, but not for very long, Style finds that:
“All the techniques that are so effective in beginning a relationship violate every principle necessary to maintaining one” (242).
It's a compelling statement regarding close encounters of the male-female kind. When it comes to relationships, making them is a much different story to maintaining them, which might be an art form that is much more difficult to quantify and catalogue.
Relationships - 9 Never-Changing Rules
Relationships - 9 Never-Changing Rules
by: Peter Dobler
In a relationship, your ability to understand and respond to the other person's needs and desires are fundamental. Understanding the nature of relationships themselves may be as important to your success in love as understanding the person with whom you're having the relationship.
The key to a working relationship is twofold. First you need to work on a relationship day in and day out. Second you need the right information to pinpoint where the relationship needs work. Without this information you’re simply assuming and assumptions are the enemy to any healthy relationship.
>From puppy love to winter romances, the following is true of all relationships
1. Relationships Don't Just Happen
Relationships aren't accidents that come out of nowhere; you create them and you have to make an effort to maintain them. Remember that the time you invest in others will always pay off.
2. Relationships are Need-based.
Everyone has their own personal needs and desires; your job is to figure out those needs since some may be unexpressed verbally. Not an easy task, therefore you have to focus on your partner. Ask how you can respond to a desire that she or he has.
3. Relationships Don't Hold a Grudge
Despite the use of terms like "perfect match," and "perfect couple," the idea of a perfect relationship is perfectly ridiculous. We all make mistakes dealing with other people, so it's important to be overlooked and/or forgive imperfections in others in order to build strong relationships.
4. Relationships That Endure Take Time
Relationships are formed with long-term goals in mind. This means that deep relationships will evolve slowly because the stakes -- a life partner -- are so great. In this instance, "haste makes waste" and divorce…or at least an ugly break-up.
5. Relationships are As Unique as the Folks That Are In 'Em.
No two people are the same and so no two relationships are the same. Your relationships will deepen and strengthen, if you can accept the uniqueness of others as a precious gift.
6. Relationships Build You Up.
"My partner brings out the best in me," is the way most people define the partner that they love. Relationships are built on encouragement, so always try to make your partner feel good, even if you're urging them beyond their comfort zone to a new level of intimacy.
7. Relationships Are Essential.
It may be a dog eat dog world out there, but man is still a "pack animal," looking for positive healthy relationships. Once you understand that nothing is more important than people, you'll communicate that supportive message in everything you do.
8. Relationships Are For Two.
There is no such thing as a one-person relationship. For a relationship to thrive it requires cooperation from both parties, otherwise it's unrequited love (at best) and stalking (at worst). You can't have a relationship with someone who isn't interested in having one with you.
9. Relationships are Greater Than the Sum of Their Parts.
In good relationships there is energy -- your energy and your partners. This energy pushes each of you to strive to make the relationship work as individuals, and it also drives you to a shared excellence.
Armed with these rules you should be able to create and maintain a healthy relationship. Some caution on this topic. Just because you live and breathe these rules doesn’t mean that your relationship will be better or a broken relationship will be fixed. Every situation is unique and requires different approaches. Use these rules as a guide and as a guide only.
Unfortunately a small article can’t do justice on the wide spectrum of creating and maintaining a working relationship. You will get the complete picture and step by step explanations in Race Kale’s new book “The Power of Charisma”.
Copyright 2005 Peter Dobler
by: Peter Dobler
In a relationship, your ability to understand and respond to the other person's needs and desires are fundamental. Understanding the nature of relationships themselves may be as important to your success in love as understanding the person with whom you're having the relationship.
The key to a working relationship is twofold. First you need to work on a relationship day in and day out. Second you need the right information to pinpoint where the relationship needs work. Without this information you’re simply assuming and assumptions are the enemy to any healthy relationship.
>From puppy love to winter romances, the following is true of all relationships
1. Relationships Don't Just Happen
Relationships aren't accidents that come out of nowhere; you create them and you have to make an effort to maintain them. Remember that the time you invest in others will always pay off.
2. Relationships are Need-based.
Everyone has their own personal needs and desires; your job is to figure out those needs since some may be unexpressed verbally. Not an easy task, therefore you have to focus on your partner. Ask how you can respond to a desire that she or he has.
3. Relationships Don't Hold a Grudge
Despite the use of terms like "perfect match," and "perfect couple," the idea of a perfect relationship is perfectly ridiculous. We all make mistakes dealing with other people, so it's important to be overlooked and/or forgive imperfections in others in order to build strong relationships.
4. Relationships That Endure Take Time
Relationships are formed with long-term goals in mind. This means that deep relationships will evolve slowly because the stakes -- a life partner -- are so great. In this instance, "haste makes waste" and divorce…or at least an ugly break-up.
5. Relationships are As Unique as the Folks That Are In 'Em.
No two people are the same and so no two relationships are the same. Your relationships will deepen and strengthen, if you can accept the uniqueness of others as a precious gift.
6. Relationships Build You Up.
"My partner brings out the best in me," is the way most people define the partner that they love. Relationships are built on encouragement, so always try to make your partner feel good, even if you're urging them beyond their comfort zone to a new level of intimacy.
7. Relationships Are Essential.
It may be a dog eat dog world out there, but man is still a "pack animal," looking for positive healthy relationships. Once you understand that nothing is more important than people, you'll communicate that supportive message in everything you do.
8. Relationships Are For Two.
There is no such thing as a one-person relationship. For a relationship to thrive it requires cooperation from both parties, otherwise it's unrequited love (at best) and stalking (at worst). You can't have a relationship with someone who isn't interested in having one with you.
9. Relationships are Greater Than the Sum of Their Parts.
In good relationships there is energy -- your energy and your partners. This energy pushes each of you to strive to make the relationship work as individuals, and it also drives you to a shared excellence.
Armed with these rules you should be able to create and maintain a healthy relationship. Some caution on this topic. Just because you live and breathe these rules doesn’t mean that your relationship will be better or a broken relationship will be fixed. Every situation is unique and requires different approaches. Use these rules as a guide and as a guide only.
Unfortunately a small article can’t do justice on the wide spectrum of creating and maintaining a working relationship. You will get the complete picture and step by step explanations in Race Kale’s new book “The Power of Charisma”.
Copyright 2005 Peter Dobler
7 Innovative Ways to Save Your Marriage
7 Innovative Ways to Save Your Marriage
by: Cucan Pemo
Are you in a tough spot in your marriage right now? Every relationship has its problems and its rough patches, but that doesn’t mean that you need to give up when the going gets tough. For many couples, they can actually work through their problems to create a stronger relationship. Sometimes the hard times are actually learning lessons in disguise. Here are just a few tips for getting started on the right foot.
Listen
There’s nothing more damaging to a relationship than a partner that doesn’t take the time to listen. In fact, that fact alone might be the thing that has led to the feelings of dissatisfaction with a marriage. In order to be a good partner (on either end), you need to be able to remain quiet and talk through problems until both partners are satisfied. Be quiet when they are speaking and try to really listen to what they are saying.
Understand
But listening only goes so far when you’re trying to work out problems in you relationship. If you do not really understand where they are coming from, you might be creating more problems. When they are expressing themselves, you want to ask questions when appropriate in order to clarify what they are saying to you. Even if it seems uncomfortable at first, it’s important that you make sure that you understand where they are at and how you might be able to help.
A positive attitude
Why start off a rough patch by thinking that it will never get any better no matter what you do? When you’re trying to work through problems and issues, you will want to make sure that you’re going into it with a positive attitude. You don’t need to be sugary sweet, but you should start to look at your troubles as learning lessons rather than the doom of the relationship. Try to think about happier times when you start to become negative in order to turn your thinking around.
Be present
When a partner isn’t fully in the moment of trying to fix a relationship, the work becomes a one-sided affair. You need to be able to fully be there for your partner when you need to work through tough times. This might mean that you need to take a few days off work or devote certain times to discussing ways to fix your relationship. These times should be uninterrupted by work obligations or time commitments so that neither person feels rushed or distracted.
Stay calm
While you might be upset about the way that things have turned out, you need to remember that being calm is the best way to see things more clearly. Try lowering your voice when you talk – it automatically lowers your blood pressure and your anger. Try to take a few deep breaths before you say anything – this will help you to be clear and calm as you speak. Many people perceive becoming flustered or upset as being angry, and that can lead to a poor environment for working through issues.
Make plans
One of the best ways to help save your marriage is to start creating long term plans with your partner. While this might not seem like the best idea at the time, it will create the idea that you are both going to make it through the rough patch that you have stumbled upon – somehow. Try to make plans for vacations or other far in the future appointments. This will create a little less pressure because the future isn’t so vague and unable to be seen in the dark that you are experiencing at the time.
Take time away
While you don’t have to become legally separated to do this, taking time away from each other is one of the best ways to stop a marriage from becoming a divorced marriage. When you take time away from each other, you allow yourself to have a new perspective on the events that are happening. And this can allow you to see new solutions as well as new ideas for how to handle the problems that you may be having. Even if it’s just a night or a few hours, taking time to step back from an issue can help it become easier to resolve.
by: Cucan Pemo
Are you in a tough spot in your marriage right now? Every relationship has its problems and its rough patches, but that doesn’t mean that you need to give up when the going gets tough. For many couples, they can actually work through their problems to create a stronger relationship. Sometimes the hard times are actually learning lessons in disguise. Here are just a few tips for getting started on the right foot.
Listen
There’s nothing more damaging to a relationship than a partner that doesn’t take the time to listen. In fact, that fact alone might be the thing that has led to the feelings of dissatisfaction with a marriage. In order to be a good partner (on either end), you need to be able to remain quiet and talk through problems until both partners are satisfied. Be quiet when they are speaking and try to really listen to what they are saying.
Understand
But listening only goes so far when you’re trying to work out problems in you relationship. If you do not really understand where they are coming from, you might be creating more problems. When they are expressing themselves, you want to ask questions when appropriate in order to clarify what they are saying to you. Even if it seems uncomfortable at first, it’s important that you make sure that you understand where they are at and how you might be able to help.
A positive attitude
Why start off a rough patch by thinking that it will never get any better no matter what you do? When you’re trying to work through problems and issues, you will want to make sure that you’re going into it with a positive attitude. You don’t need to be sugary sweet, but you should start to look at your troubles as learning lessons rather than the doom of the relationship. Try to think about happier times when you start to become negative in order to turn your thinking around.
Be present
When a partner isn’t fully in the moment of trying to fix a relationship, the work becomes a one-sided affair. You need to be able to fully be there for your partner when you need to work through tough times. This might mean that you need to take a few days off work or devote certain times to discussing ways to fix your relationship. These times should be uninterrupted by work obligations or time commitments so that neither person feels rushed or distracted.
Stay calm
While you might be upset about the way that things have turned out, you need to remember that being calm is the best way to see things more clearly. Try lowering your voice when you talk – it automatically lowers your blood pressure and your anger. Try to take a few deep breaths before you say anything – this will help you to be clear and calm as you speak. Many people perceive becoming flustered or upset as being angry, and that can lead to a poor environment for working through issues.
Make plans
One of the best ways to help save your marriage is to start creating long term plans with your partner. While this might not seem like the best idea at the time, it will create the idea that you are both going to make it through the rough patch that you have stumbled upon – somehow. Try to make plans for vacations or other far in the future appointments. This will create a little less pressure because the future isn’t so vague and unable to be seen in the dark that you are experiencing at the time.
Take time away
While you don’t have to become legally separated to do this, taking time away from each other is one of the best ways to stop a marriage from becoming a divorced marriage. When you take time away from each other, you allow yourself to have a new perspective on the events that are happening. And this can allow you to see new solutions as well as new ideas for how to handle the problems that you may be having. Even if it’s just a night or a few hours, taking time to step back from an issue can help it become easier to resolve.
Things to Do When You're Single in Chicago
Things to Do When You're Single in Chicago
by: Andy Eliason
So you say you're single in Chicago? What are you going to do about it?
First things first. You have to find someone else who happens to be single in Chicago, and you have to be willing to take the steps to meet them and take them out into the town to experience everything the Chicago dating scene has to offer.
This is possibly the most important step, though, admittedly, one of the more difficult. There are more than a million singles in Chicago, so how do you find the right one?
Modern times call for modern solutions, and the Chicago online dating community is one of the best in the country. And online dating sites that offer compatibility profiles are one of the best ways to weed out the incompatibles and make the most of your time as a single in Chicago.
Now, once you've found the right person, it's time to try something new and unique. With so many opportunities in Chicago, there's no reason to let yourself get bogged down in the old standby “dinner and a movie”. When you're single in Chicago you have a very singular opportunity to experience activities, music, cuisine and a world of other possibilities that singles in other cities will never know.
You can begin your day at Millennium Park, take the time to go strolling through the landscape or pack up a blanket and food for a wonder picnic. If you're looking for something a little more active, head over to Navy Pier where you can experience everything from riding on a giant ferris wheel to watching a performance by a Shakespeare Troupe. Still not what you're looking for? Then take a day and mingle with the tourists at the Sears Tower. This is something that Chicago singles often pass up because it's seen as too “touristy”, but the view of Chicago can only really be appreciated 110 stories up. It's a great way to get the date started off right.
If these activities aren't quite your thing, consider the Chicago sports scene. Chicago is populated by some of the most loyal sports fans in the country, and if you can find someone who is single in Chicago and also loves the Bears/Bulls/Cubs/etc, the an athletically themed date may be perfect for you.
Chicago is known for some great cuisine, but often we can fall prey to complacency and routine, and always wind up at the same places over and over again. Take some time to find a new and romantic place and start creating some truly memorable dating memories. Whether at Geha's Fondue or Emperor's Choice for some Chinese food, you can find new dining experiences in Chicago.
But if what you really need is to hit the dance floor with your favorite Chicago dance partner, then this town can provide. When you're single in Chicago you can spend your evenings surrounded by 800 other people at the Crobar or experience a wide range of music at Sonotheque. There's something in this town for everyone, from techno lovers to Country swingers.
So here's the real question: With so much to do in Chicago, why would you waste your time with the mundane and standardized dates? We often do it because it's simple, quick, and fairly cheap. And While we know it won't be all that impressive of a date, we also know that it probably won't fail miserably either. Rather than try something new, where our plans may crash and burn, we opt for the “safe” option, where our plans can wallow in the shallow waters of routine. But maybe it's time to take advantage of your time as a single in Chicago and start making your dating life something spectacular.
by: Andy Eliason
So you say you're single in Chicago? What are you going to do about it?
First things first. You have to find someone else who happens to be single in Chicago, and you have to be willing to take the steps to meet them and take them out into the town to experience everything the Chicago dating scene has to offer.
This is possibly the most important step, though, admittedly, one of the more difficult. There are more than a million singles in Chicago, so how do you find the right one?
Modern times call for modern solutions, and the Chicago online dating community is one of the best in the country. And online dating sites that offer compatibility profiles are one of the best ways to weed out the incompatibles and make the most of your time as a single in Chicago.
Now, once you've found the right person, it's time to try something new and unique. With so many opportunities in Chicago, there's no reason to let yourself get bogged down in the old standby “dinner and a movie”. When you're single in Chicago you have a very singular opportunity to experience activities, music, cuisine and a world of other possibilities that singles in other cities will never know.
You can begin your day at Millennium Park, take the time to go strolling through the landscape or pack up a blanket and food for a wonder picnic. If you're looking for something a little more active, head over to Navy Pier where you can experience everything from riding on a giant ferris wheel to watching a performance by a Shakespeare Troupe. Still not what you're looking for? Then take a day and mingle with the tourists at the Sears Tower. This is something that Chicago singles often pass up because it's seen as too “touristy”, but the view of Chicago can only really be appreciated 110 stories up. It's a great way to get the date started off right.
If these activities aren't quite your thing, consider the Chicago sports scene. Chicago is populated by some of the most loyal sports fans in the country, and if you can find someone who is single in Chicago and also loves the Bears/Bulls/Cubs/etc, the an athletically themed date may be perfect for you.
Chicago is known for some great cuisine, but often we can fall prey to complacency and routine, and always wind up at the same places over and over again. Take some time to find a new and romantic place and start creating some truly memorable dating memories. Whether at Geha's Fondue or Emperor's Choice for some Chinese food, you can find new dining experiences in Chicago.
But if what you really need is to hit the dance floor with your favorite Chicago dance partner, then this town can provide. When you're single in Chicago you can spend your evenings surrounded by 800 other people at the Crobar or experience a wide range of music at Sonotheque. There's something in this town for everyone, from techno lovers to Country swingers.
So here's the real question: With so much to do in Chicago, why would you waste your time with the mundane and standardized dates? We often do it because it's simple, quick, and fairly cheap. And While we know it won't be all that impressive of a date, we also know that it probably won't fail miserably either. Rather than try something new, where our plans may crash and burn, we opt for the “safe” option, where our plans can wallow in the shallow waters of routine. But maybe it's time to take advantage of your time as a single in Chicago and start making your dating life something spectacular.
Adult Dating Sites, Done Just Right, Are Great
Adult Dating Sites, Done Just Right, Are Great
by: Morgan Hamilton
Dating is a lot easier back when I was still young. But now that I‘ve gotten older and have more responsibilities than before, I find that I don’t have enough time to spend on socializing with people my age. Is your situation the same as mine? If it is, then you might want to try adult dating sites. We use to meet people through our friends and acquaintances but now that we don’t have the luxury of time, dating sites on the Internet gives us a new way of interacting with people for fun, friendship and romantic purposes.
Adult dating sites makes finding singles near your place more convenient, giving you more opportunities to find potential partners for intimate relationships. Most sites have features that let you browse through a gallery of local guys and gals, allowing you to choose your type. Send a few messages to those you like and you may find individuals who are looking for the same kind of relationship. It’s also possible to find all types of ethnicity, nationality, religion, marital status, and age group. Adult dating sites gives you all the freedom you want to choose who you want to connect with.
Finding prospective partners through online adult dating sites is quite simple. All you have to do is make a good profile by posting your best picture and adding a few interesting details about yourself on the Internet. You can then wait for emails from other singles who found you appealing. If you want to a more aggressive approach, you can contact those you find pleasing yourself. All of which can be done easily through your PC at the comfort of your room. You don’t have to seek out the local hotspots to find other singles, you can have a pleasant conversation with your new found friends through online dating sites.
Today’s technology allows you to mingle in many different ways. Adult dating sites enable you to socialize with people through txt messages or chartrooms. You can even communicate through voice chats, making it possible for you to hear your friend’s lovely voice. If you want to spice up your life, adult dating sites will give you just that. No matter how busy you may be finding interesting friends is now convenient and easy.
by: Morgan Hamilton
Dating is a lot easier back when I was still young. But now that I‘ve gotten older and have more responsibilities than before, I find that I don’t have enough time to spend on socializing with people my age. Is your situation the same as mine? If it is, then you might want to try adult dating sites. We use to meet people through our friends and acquaintances but now that we don’t have the luxury of time, dating sites on the Internet gives us a new way of interacting with people for fun, friendship and romantic purposes.
Adult dating sites makes finding singles near your place more convenient, giving you more opportunities to find potential partners for intimate relationships. Most sites have features that let you browse through a gallery of local guys and gals, allowing you to choose your type. Send a few messages to those you like and you may find individuals who are looking for the same kind of relationship. It’s also possible to find all types of ethnicity, nationality, religion, marital status, and age group. Adult dating sites gives you all the freedom you want to choose who you want to connect with.
Finding prospective partners through online adult dating sites is quite simple. All you have to do is make a good profile by posting your best picture and adding a few interesting details about yourself on the Internet. You can then wait for emails from other singles who found you appealing. If you want to a more aggressive approach, you can contact those you find pleasing yourself. All of which can be done easily through your PC at the comfort of your room. You don’t have to seek out the local hotspots to find other singles, you can have a pleasant conversation with your new found friends through online dating sites.
Today’s technology allows you to mingle in many different ways. Adult dating sites enable you to socialize with people through txt messages or chartrooms. You can even communicate through voice chats, making it possible for you to hear your friend’s lovely voice. If you want to spice up your life, adult dating sites will give you just that. No matter how busy you may be finding interesting friends is now convenient and easy.
Want a Guy to Date You and Only You?
Want a Guy to Date You and Only You?
by: Terry Hernon MacDonald
You're falling for a guy, and you want him to see you exclusively. What's the best thing you can do?
a) call him every day to establish yourself as his girlfriend
b) send yourself flowers to make him jealous
c) continue to see other people
When you're crazy about a guy, it's tempting to call him. Resist the urge. Not calling him (or emailing or instant messaging him) offers considerable benefits. First of all, you'll come off as a challenge. That's attractive.
Trying to make a man jealous is never a good idea. It's so 7th grade, for one thing. Worse, it's self-defeating because people who become jealous easily tend to be unhappy and controlling. Try being married to that for 30 years! And, playing games is the method of insecure women. You feel too good about yourself for that. Save the money on the flowers and take yourself out for dinner and drinks with friends.
The best thing to do when you want him to see you and only you? Continue seeing other people (I'll tell you why in a minute!), but when you're with out with him, give him your full attention.
Never, ever let your eyes wander over his shoulder. Be your lovely, funny, compassionate, happy self while you're together. Then go home and let him think about you.
Until you're "exclusive," your best protection against heartbreak is to keep seeing other people. It's difficult, but it's worth it. While you're out with others, bar your favorite man from your mind. If you don't have other men on deck, keep busy with friends, families, and hobbies. There's no need to fill your favorite guy in on all your activities.
When you're not with him, it's important to keep conversations about him to an absolute minimum.
Either you're going to become "exclusive" with the man, or you aren't. Being too available too soon will pretty much ensure you don't, while keeping a busy life will make you a bit more alluring--provided the guy has some interest in you from the start.
Once again, when you do see him, focus on him. Make it a point to really get to know him. Sometimes we fall head over heels for a person without any idea whether they're the right one for us. We all know married couples who bicker all the time, don't we?
And then there are couples who call it quits soon after they get married. Susie and Bob (not their real names) divorced 12 months after their very lavish wedding because they neglected to ask each other the simplest questions before buying an engagement ring. Turns out he wanted children immediately, and she wanted to wait three years. They'd never discussed the matter.
Asking a man the right questions is critical, and it offers two major benefits: You'll find out if he's right for you, and if he is, you'll become so much closer to him. You'll establish yourself as the one special woman who really 'gets him.'
by: Terry Hernon MacDonald
You're falling for a guy, and you want him to see you exclusively. What's the best thing you can do?
a) call him every day to establish yourself as his girlfriend
b) send yourself flowers to make him jealous
c) continue to see other people
When you're crazy about a guy, it's tempting to call him. Resist the urge. Not calling him (or emailing or instant messaging him) offers considerable benefits. First of all, you'll come off as a challenge. That's attractive.
Trying to make a man jealous is never a good idea. It's so 7th grade, for one thing. Worse, it's self-defeating because people who become jealous easily tend to be unhappy and controlling. Try being married to that for 30 years! And, playing games is the method of insecure women. You feel too good about yourself for that. Save the money on the flowers and take yourself out for dinner and drinks with friends.
The best thing to do when you want him to see you and only you? Continue seeing other people (I'll tell you why in a minute!), but when you're with out with him, give him your full attention.
Never, ever let your eyes wander over his shoulder. Be your lovely, funny, compassionate, happy self while you're together. Then go home and let him think about you.
Until you're "exclusive," your best protection against heartbreak is to keep seeing other people. It's difficult, but it's worth it. While you're out with others, bar your favorite man from your mind. If you don't have other men on deck, keep busy with friends, families, and hobbies. There's no need to fill your favorite guy in on all your activities.
When you're not with him, it's important to keep conversations about him to an absolute minimum.
Either you're going to become "exclusive" with the man, or you aren't. Being too available too soon will pretty much ensure you don't, while keeping a busy life will make you a bit more alluring--provided the guy has some interest in you from the start.
Once again, when you do see him, focus on him. Make it a point to really get to know him. Sometimes we fall head over heels for a person without any idea whether they're the right one for us. We all know married couples who bicker all the time, don't we?
And then there are couples who call it quits soon after they get married. Susie and Bob (not their real names) divorced 12 months after their very lavish wedding because they neglected to ask each other the simplest questions before buying an engagement ring. Turns out he wanted children immediately, and she wanted to wait three years. They'd never discussed the matter.
Asking a man the right questions is critical, and it offers two major benefits: You'll find out if he's right for you, and if he is, you'll become so much closer to him. You'll establish yourself as the one special woman who really 'gets him.'
Planning Your Arizona Wedding Event
Planning Your Arizona Wedding Event
by: Michael Brito
If you were recently engaged and are beginning to make plans for your Arizona wedding, you have selected one of the most beautiful places in the world to hold your event. From the Valley of the Sun to the Tucson area, there are so many attractive venues available to you where you can wed and hold your reception. Before you start visiting churches and wedding halls, there are some things you must keep in mind when planning your Arizona wedding. Likely, you are pressed for time and this bit of information can help you stay focused while offering to you a stress free solution.
A Ring and a Date
When your fiancé slipped an engagement ring on your finger, did a specific wedding date come to mind? Chances are that it might have. Much of what happens next depends on how soon you want to wed, the type of wedding that you have in mind, and the number of guests you plan on inviting. Of course, your work schedules must be factored in especially if you imagine yourselves spending two weeks of honeymoon bliss on the unspoiled beaches of Cabo San Lucas or enjoying the historic sites of new found splendor in Dubrovnik, Croatia. Whatever your honeymoon desires may be, they can impact the day that you hold your wedding.
Summer or Winter; Inside or Outside
Some couples dream about holding their wedding outside perhaps in a park or up in the mountains overlooking the Valley of the Sun. As you may know the summer months are prohibitively hot in Arizona and certainly not ideal for an outdoor event even in the early evening hours when temperatures are still near one hundred degrees. On the other hand, an outdoor event from mid-October until early May can be a lovely alternative with the mid winter weeks being the very coolest.
If you are planning an indoor wedding then it matters less what time of year you choose to marry. As long as you can apply all of your make up and get dressed on site, you can avoid the high outside temperatures certain to impact the way you look and feel.
Looking For Help
More than likely you and your fiancé are extremely busy managing your careers and are having a difficult time imagining pulling all of your wedding plans together stress free. Today’s busy couples have learned that asking for professional assistance in the form of a wedding consultant can remove a great deal of pressure as well as help them with the many twists and turns they are certain to face between engagement and the exchange of vows. If this is the situation for you, then consider hiring a wedding consultant to handle the bulk of the arrangements for you.
A wedding consultant can lift the heavy burdens you will soon be facing and handle them with class and distinction. She should be personable, a good listener, and very well organized. Moreover, by hiring a wedding consultant with a wealth of satisfied customer recommendations you and your espoused can then be assured that your wedding planning is in capable hands.
What She Can Do For You
There is very little that a wedding consultant cannot or will not do for busy couples. Typically, a wedding consultant will:
Order the floral arrangements. Help with gift suggestions. Hire a disc jockey, stringed quartet, or band. Negotiate with the reception hall. Contact caterers; preview menus; sample food. Advise on marriage licensing requirements. Interview photographers and videophotographers. Liaise with bridesmaids and groomsmen. Organize transportation from church to reception to airport, etc. Handle emergencies and implement back up plans when required.
In truth, there is very little that a wedding consultant cannot do, all the while knowing exactly when to discuss matters with the couple and when to resolve issues on her own.
Peace of Mind and Sensibility
Many couples who have successfully used the talents of a professional wedding consultant will mention two important points about her: she removed much stress off of their shoulders and she saved them money. Yes, a knowledgeable wedding consultant skillfully pulls all of her resources together to provide an elegant, yet cost-effective event that truly permits the newlyweds to enjoy their special day without outside cares and concerns crowding in.
Copyright 2006 Michael Brito
by: Michael Brito
If you were recently engaged and are beginning to make plans for your Arizona wedding, you have selected one of the most beautiful places in the world to hold your event. From the Valley of the Sun to the Tucson area, there are so many attractive venues available to you where you can wed and hold your reception. Before you start visiting churches and wedding halls, there are some things you must keep in mind when planning your Arizona wedding. Likely, you are pressed for time and this bit of information can help you stay focused while offering to you a stress free solution.
A Ring and a Date
When your fiancé slipped an engagement ring on your finger, did a specific wedding date come to mind? Chances are that it might have. Much of what happens next depends on how soon you want to wed, the type of wedding that you have in mind, and the number of guests you plan on inviting. Of course, your work schedules must be factored in especially if you imagine yourselves spending two weeks of honeymoon bliss on the unspoiled beaches of Cabo San Lucas or enjoying the historic sites of new found splendor in Dubrovnik, Croatia. Whatever your honeymoon desires may be, they can impact the day that you hold your wedding.
Summer or Winter; Inside or Outside
Some couples dream about holding their wedding outside perhaps in a park or up in the mountains overlooking the Valley of the Sun. As you may know the summer months are prohibitively hot in Arizona and certainly not ideal for an outdoor event even in the early evening hours when temperatures are still near one hundred degrees. On the other hand, an outdoor event from mid-October until early May can be a lovely alternative with the mid winter weeks being the very coolest.
If you are planning an indoor wedding then it matters less what time of year you choose to marry. As long as you can apply all of your make up and get dressed on site, you can avoid the high outside temperatures certain to impact the way you look and feel.
Looking For Help
More than likely you and your fiancé are extremely busy managing your careers and are having a difficult time imagining pulling all of your wedding plans together stress free. Today’s busy couples have learned that asking for professional assistance in the form of a wedding consultant can remove a great deal of pressure as well as help them with the many twists and turns they are certain to face between engagement and the exchange of vows. If this is the situation for you, then consider hiring a wedding consultant to handle the bulk of the arrangements for you.
A wedding consultant can lift the heavy burdens you will soon be facing and handle them with class and distinction. She should be personable, a good listener, and very well organized. Moreover, by hiring a wedding consultant with a wealth of satisfied customer recommendations you and your espoused can then be assured that your wedding planning is in capable hands.
What She Can Do For You
There is very little that a wedding consultant cannot or will not do for busy couples. Typically, a wedding consultant will:
Order the floral arrangements. Help with gift suggestions. Hire a disc jockey, stringed quartet, or band. Negotiate with the reception hall. Contact caterers; preview menus; sample food. Advise on marriage licensing requirements. Interview photographers and videophotographers. Liaise with bridesmaids and groomsmen. Organize transportation from church to reception to airport, etc. Handle emergencies and implement back up plans when required.
In truth, there is very little that a wedding consultant cannot do, all the while knowing exactly when to discuss matters with the couple and when to resolve issues on her own.
Peace of Mind and Sensibility
Many couples who have successfully used the talents of a professional wedding consultant will mention two important points about her: she removed much stress off of their shoulders and she saved them money. Yes, a knowledgeable wedding consultant skillfully pulls all of her resources together to provide an elegant, yet cost-effective event that truly permits the newlyweds to enjoy their special day without outside cares and concerns crowding in.
Copyright 2006 Michael Brito
Relationships: Prescribing the Symptom
Relationships: Prescribing the Symptom
by: Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
"Sam whines and complains to me a lot, and then expects me to be turned on to him and make love with him. When I don’t want to, he gets angry," said Jackie in our first telephone counseling session. "I have become more and more shut down. I don't want our marriage to end, but if we keep going this way, that is what is going to happen."
"Jackie, what happens when you try to talk with Sam about this?"
"He just gets defensive and blames me for his unhappiness. I just don't know what to do."
"It sounds like Sam wants control over you, but is very resistant to anything you have to say, and then the two of you get into a power struggle. What I think might help is doing what I call 'prescribing the symptom.' Let's do some role-plays so you can see what I mean. You be Sam complaining and I will be you."
(Jackie being Sam, using a whiny voice) "Honey, I just couldn't sleep last night, and I'm feeling so anxious about work. Maybe tonight we can be together."
(Me, being Jackie) "Sam maybe if you whine just a little bit more and try to make me feel really guilty, I will feel turned on to you!"
"Wow," laughed Jackie, "that might work!"
"Let's try some other role-plays."
"Okay. (Being Sam, yelling) You know what Jackie? I've had it with you. I don't feel loved at all. Why should I stay in the marriage?"
(Me, being Jackie) "Sam, you are not being angry and threatening enough. Maybe if you yell even louder and threaten more you can have control over getting me to love you."
"Oh, I love this! I think that Sam is the kind of person who will really get this!"
In our next session Jackie had much to report.
"This was a terrific week! I prescribed the symptom at least three times! Each time Sam looked at me like I was crazy and then started to laugh. He is really getting how ridiculous it is for him to think that whining and complaining and yelling will get me turned on to him. Near the end of the week he was much lighter and happier and I actually felt turned on to him! We made love for the first time in months."
Prescribing the symptom is an excellent way for some people to gain awareness of what they are doing that is not working well for them. When you are prescribing the symptom, it is important to:
1. Speak in a light, joking way, with no judgment.
2. Describe the behavior, encouraging the person to do it even more.
3. Describe the intent behind the behavior. For example, the intent of Sam's whining and complaining was to make Jackie feel guilty enough to give in. The intent behind anger or complaining is to have control over getting what the person wants. It is very helpful to articulate this intent to control, as I did in the role-play by saying, "Maybe if you yell even louder and threaten more you can have control over getting me to love you."
Many people are resistant and hate it when someone tells them what to do. When you tell a resistant person to do exactly what they are doing, and in fact to do it even more, they are likely to resist you and stop doing what they are doing - whether they are children or adults. After all, when someone is whining and complaining or getting angry, he or she is being a controlling child who wants to be in control, but does not want to be controlled.
Sometimes, prescribing the symptom can work wonders!
by: Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
"Sam whines and complains to me a lot, and then expects me to be turned on to him and make love with him. When I don’t want to, he gets angry," said Jackie in our first telephone counseling session. "I have become more and more shut down. I don't want our marriage to end, but if we keep going this way, that is what is going to happen."
"Jackie, what happens when you try to talk with Sam about this?"
"He just gets defensive and blames me for his unhappiness. I just don't know what to do."
"It sounds like Sam wants control over you, but is very resistant to anything you have to say, and then the two of you get into a power struggle. What I think might help is doing what I call 'prescribing the symptom.' Let's do some role-plays so you can see what I mean. You be Sam complaining and I will be you."
(Jackie being Sam, using a whiny voice) "Honey, I just couldn't sleep last night, and I'm feeling so anxious about work. Maybe tonight we can be together."
(Me, being Jackie) "Sam maybe if you whine just a little bit more and try to make me feel really guilty, I will feel turned on to you!"
"Wow," laughed Jackie, "that might work!"
"Let's try some other role-plays."
"Okay. (Being Sam, yelling) You know what Jackie? I've had it with you. I don't feel loved at all. Why should I stay in the marriage?"
(Me, being Jackie) "Sam, you are not being angry and threatening enough. Maybe if you yell even louder and threaten more you can have control over getting me to love you."
"Oh, I love this! I think that Sam is the kind of person who will really get this!"
In our next session Jackie had much to report.
"This was a terrific week! I prescribed the symptom at least three times! Each time Sam looked at me like I was crazy and then started to laugh. He is really getting how ridiculous it is for him to think that whining and complaining and yelling will get me turned on to him. Near the end of the week he was much lighter and happier and I actually felt turned on to him! We made love for the first time in months."
Prescribing the symptom is an excellent way for some people to gain awareness of what they are doing that is not working well for them. When you are prescribing the symptom, it is important to:
1. Speak in a light, joking way, with no judgment.
2. Describe the behavior, encouraging the person to do it even more.
3. Describe the intent behind the behavior. For example, the intent of Sam's whining and complaining was to make Jackie feel guilty enough to give in. The intent behind anger or complaining is to have control over getting what the person wants. It is very helpful to articulate this intent to control, as I did in the role-play by saying, "Maybe if you yell even louder and threaten more you can have control over getting me to love you."
Many people are resistant and hate it when someone tells them what to do. When you tell a resistant person to do exactly what they are doing, and in fact to do it even more, they are likely to resist you and stop doing what they are doing - whether they are children or adults. After all, when someone is whining and complaining or getting angry, he or she is being a controlling child who wants to be in control, but does not want to be controlled.
Sometimes, prescribing the symptom can work wonders!
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